Dear Christmas,

Hello, old pal. I hope you are well. Judging from the number of catalogs I’ve received on your behalf, you are just grand. That’s actually what I’m writing to you about. No disrespect, but can you simmer down a little? Each year, you inch more and more into my territory, and I let it slide. But this year, you’ve gone too far. Target Christmas commercials in October? Holiday cards in the mail before Turkey day? Thanksgiving decor on clearance before Halloween? What is the deal? I know it isn’t entirely your fault. Starbucks is equally to blame. They break out the red cups November 1st, and after one sip of their egg nog lattes, people lose their dang minds.

Do you realize the number of people who already have their Christmas trees up… And have for weeks? I get it, I get it… Your decorations are prettier than mine and people want to enjoy them longer. But, would you mind asking people to hold off on their outdoor lights? I really don’t want to see that twelve foot inflatable Santa in your yard before black Friday, Clark Griswold. Speaking of, they’re not even “day after Thanksgiving sales” anymore? Well played, Christmas, well played.

I know I seem bitter, but this isn’t just about me. Kids are really confused. Santa is in the mall before the Halloween sugar high wears off. Ho, ho, holdup. The other day I overheard a little boy talking about baby Jesus being born on Plymouth Rock. Unacceptable. What happened to giving thanks for all that we have before we begin our Christmas wish lists?

I love you, I really do, but you need an intervention. You’ve gotten too big; too full of yourself. You let Santa get you hooked on commercialism and have lost your true meaning. I’ve spoken with the other holidays, and they feel the same way. Get it together, man.

Many thanks,
Thanksgiving

p.s. I admit I may have already listened to your music. This is only acceptable because I have none of my own.